Gather together smarts enough to get a passport and obtain a visa for some exotic country, but not smarts enough to actually READ the visa. Like the part that says how long they can stay.
Pack 45 changes of clothes for a two week vacation, but not their antipsychotic medication.
Spend the whole hour on the bus from the airport to the hotel criticizing everything they see out the window.
Rent a car in a foreign country, then use it to try to teach all the 'locals' how to drive correctly (as it is done in Ohio or Oregon) instead of the way they actually drive there.
Fall in love with a ragged, ratty, diseased and completely undomesticated pet-type animal from the streets and expect to take it back to the US on tomorrow's flight.
Fall in love with a ragged, ratty, diseased and completely undomesticated human from the streets and expect to take him/her back to the US on tomorrow's flight.
Publicly and loudly complain about the quality of - or total lack of - toilet paper.
Believe that food cooked in front of their eyes on the street must be poisonous, but food that wanders out of an unseen hotel kitchen must be germ-free.
Bargain like pit bulls over 37-cent taxi fares.
Laugh at the local money because it looks funny, is funny colors, feels like play money, and they can't figure out what it's worth in 'real' money.
Stick cameras into the faces of innocent people without asking.
They will also...
Laugh at their own sorry efforts with the local language, but keep trying. Especially 'Please' and 'Thank You.'
Give coins to beggars.
Try scary food.
Try to save the lives of ragged, ratty, diseased and completely undomesticated pet-type animal from the streets. No matter how drunk, they would never do this.
Help old or infirm local people cross the street or carry heavy packages home, in directions the Americans were not going.
Smile at everybody until the locals think they must be crazy, but secretly like it anyway.
Overtip.
Pay their hotel bills without arguing and go home on time. Usually.
Show up on Friday at 4 PM to ask for help with a problem they created on Tuesday morning.
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